


I've Dreamt of This

by foxanddanapetrie



Category: Spooks | MI-5
Genre: AU, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, One Shot, harry and ruth live together again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:15:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29927781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxanddanapetrie/pseuds/foxanddanapetrie
Summary: Harry helps Ruth through a rough morning.tw: anxiety, ptsd, panic attacks.
Relationships: Ruth Evershed/Harry Pearce
Kudos: 4





	I've Dreamt of This

**Author's Note:**

> Just another tw for anxiety, ptsd, and panic attacks <3 Thanks for reading.

Harry had dealt with almost any problem you could think of over the years. He dealt with terrorists, foreign and domestic, he dealt with traitors from the inside, his friends’ deaths…

But the one puzzle he had yet to figure out was Ruth. To be fair, he knew her better than anyone- and vise versa. But her brain contained so many mysteries, he was always learning something new about her. So, when he found himself waking up without her weight on the other side of the bed, he chalked it up to just another mystery that came with living with Ruth. But it wasn’t that simple. 

He rolled out of bed, threw on a t-shirt that had been discarded on the floor the night before and made his way out of the bedroom to find her. He didn’t get too far before realizing the door to the master bathroom was closed. 

At first, he just figured she had gotten up early so he went downstairs to start their two cups of tea.

When the steam from her cup started to diminish, he made his way back up the stairs to check on her. He knocked softly at the door.

“Ruth?”

He heard her sniffle and clear her throat. “Yeah?” She answered unconvincingly.

“Are you ok?”

“Yep.” She said, not much louder than a mouse’s squeak and that triggered him to open the door slowly.

When she didn’t object to the door being opened, he peeked his head around and saw her sitting on the floor with a blanket, leaning against a pillow she had propped up against the bath.

“What are you doing in here?” He asked gently. “Has something happened?”

As he moved closer he noticed the tear stained collar of her shirt. 

“No nothing’s happened...I just-”

He waited for her to finish but when she didn’t, he asked, “Just what?”

“Sometimes I just can’t.”

“Can’t?” He said, making his way to the floor to sit next to her.

“Sometimes my mind won't shut off at night...or in the middle of the night...or in the morning. I woke up before the sunrise and couldn’t fall back asleep. And then sometimes my mind starts racing.”

He could almost hear the lump in her throat start to rise as she finished her sentence. Her tears started to fall again.

“Panic attack?” He asked, not wanting to assume anything- or make her talk about something she didn’t want to.

“Yeah.” She said, nodding, looking up at the ceiling and letting out an exhausted sigh.

Harry had only seen her like this once- not too many months after George had died. They weren’t living together then and she tried to hide it from him more than she was now, but he knew she had bad nights.

“I had to come in here because I couldn’t breath. And I didn’t want to wake you up.”

Harry’s heart sank. “Ruth, always wake me up...whenever you need to. I mean it.”

“I know.” She said, letting out a small smile to acknowledge the love she always felt radiating off of him. “But I had a feeling this would be a long night.”

He didn’t respond right away, he just sat with his arm around her, feeling her breathing hitch from her residual sobbing.”

“It was a bad one?”

“My arms went numb. Just couldn’t reason anything or calm myself down. Just had to wait it out.”

“Ruth, I’m so sorry I didn’t hear you.”

“Don’t be sorry.” She said, taking a deep breath, still trying to steady herself.

“Do you want me to get you anything? Breakfast?”

“No, thank you, I don’t think I could eat right now.”

Harry didn’t have to ask what made her so upset. It could have been related to a number of things but it didn’t matter. He knew where they came from. He knew their past- and it was full of darkness. Sometimes that darkness still crept up on them. He was beginning to think it was a permanent affliction that came with being a spook. So he let her cry, let her sit however long she needed to. 

“Can I play with your hair?”

It was the first time Ruth had turned to look at him, her eyebrow raised.

“What?” She asked, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her shirt.

“Can I play with your hair? I remember Catherine used to love it…” His voice trailed off as his eyes had locked on hers and he knew he didn’t have to say more.

He got up slowly, willing his knees not to fail him, and sat on the ledge of the bath. She silently reached for the shelf and handed him a hairbrush.

They sat in silence for a while, Ruth’s eyes closed, reveling in the chills down her spine as he ran his fingers through her hair and wondering what she did to deserve this.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered after a while.

Harry’s heart sank again.

“For what?”

“For being so much trouble.

“You have never once given me trouble, Ruth, not once. I never want you to forget that. The world could be on fire and I’d still be happy as long as I’m with you.”   
She didn’t respond but he saw her nod, afraid that the tears had started again.

“I’ve dreamt of this.”

For the first time that morning, she giggled and he felt his heart was not so heavy anymore. “Of what? Sitting on the bathroom floor with the woman you love, coaxing her out of a panic attack?”

“Of earning your uninhibited trust, of you feeling safe with me, of you letting me in on your own time.”

She didn’t respond right away, she didn’t need to. After another few brushes through her hair, she said, “I do, I have.”

He leaned over her shoulder and kissed her neck, breathing in the smell of her hair until she turned her head and met him with her lips.

Her breathing had returned to normal, he noticed. “Shall we go get some tea?” She asked, standing up and offering him her hand.

“I thought you’d never ask.”


End file.
